Vocabulary and Communication

.Reading time 7 minutes.

There are two seasons in Montana: winter and road construction. It’s not winter anymore, which means it’s currently road construction season.

This year, one of the main thoroughfares right in our little residential neighborhood has been under construction for several weeks.

It’s fine, except that my habit of taking this road is so strong that I am always headed that direction before I remember it’s closed. Last week, one of the kids was in the car with me as we set off:

“Hey, mom, the road by the waterpark is closed, remember?”

“Oh, right,” I slow to turn around.

“But, we when went to the waterpark Tuesday, Sarah’s mom went this way. You can turn by the turkey trail and drive by the houses.”

“Huh?” My family calls a little walking/bike path in town “the turkey trail.” The “turkey trail” begins at a road, but then meanders through a bit of a wooded area, next to a gully where there is no driveable road. Also, our entire neighborhood is residential, meaning: all there is is houses.

“Which way did you go?”

“Drive by.the.houses. Don’t turn around! We can go if we drive by. The. Houses. The HOUSES, mom!”

“Look, around you! There are houses everywhere!”

“THE HOUSES, MOM!”

I ignored the child and we took the detour road I knew would surely get us around the road construction. My child was unhappy that I did not act upon their suggested directions, but I couldn’t. I literally did not know which street they were talking about.

Too often, communication is like this. We know what we mean, but we don’t have the right vocabulary to actually convey that meaning to the person across from us. Worse yet, even when we know what we mean and do our best to convey it with the vocabulary we have, the words get twisted in the air and lodge themselves sideways in the recipient’s heart.

Sometimes, while we think we know what we mean, we actually don’t.

I was reading the account of Adam and Eve the other day for Bible study. Genesis 3 says, “The man and his wife were naked and they felt no shame.” This is literal, I believe. But I’ve begun to realize that it is deeper than literal.

Adam and Eve were fully known by God.

They were also fully known by each other. I am not just talking physically. I am talking, their deepest desires, dreams and beings were plainly visible to each other and their core self was fully accepted by one another.

What must it have been like, to never experience the frustration of miscommunication? To never use a series of words and immediately know that the person has not actually received what you meant? To be able to truly understand and be understood without work, without something going awry?

After they ate the fruit, they felt fear, shame and hurt. They literally ran and hid from God. They also hid from each other, covering themselves. Then they lied and blamed one another.

We all do that now, don’t we? Our human condition makes it inevitable that we experience a variety of pains. Both physical and deeper, emotional and spiritual pains. We spend a good portion of our lives creating ways to cover up our deepest desires to protect ourselves from these hurts, navigating who we can trust with what parts of ourselves (if we are courageous enough to keep trying), telling ourselves and others falsehoods and blaming others for things we ourselves have contributed to.

God’s heart was filled with pain in the Garden. One of the crowning achievements of His loving, brilliant, good and beautiful creative work had chosen to sever their intimate relationship with Him. We turned to walk down a dark path filled with confusion, violence and hurt. He could see it all, the terrible things, the innocence injured, the way even something simple like driving to the store will highlight our inability to really communicate with each other. He saw it all, and what was His response?

Knowing the fiery judgments of God recorded later in the Bible, I expect His immediate response to be: “do you have any idea what you have done!?! Do you know what this means?!?” I respond this way, when I am hurt and the consequences for someone’s foolish decision is permanent and awful. I expect the curses and consequences to be Jesus’ immediate reaction.

But Jesus — who knows all things — walked through the Garden in the pleasant cool of the day, knowing what it all meant, and called out, “Adam, where are you?”

He still calls out. He walks through this unpleasant and sad world and calls to each one of us, “where are you?”

The lyrics of a Steffany Gretzinger song capture this poignantly:

Come out of hiding, you’re safe here with me;

There’s no need to cover what I already see;

No need frightened by intimacy;

Just throw off your fear and come running to me.

We don’t have the perfect vocabulary to respond to Jesus. We don’t know ourselves well enough to come fully out of hiding. God must teach us — through His word, the Bible and in community with other Christians — but as we take our tentative steps, He moves closer. Jesus does not misunderstand us, even when we do not have the perfect words to tell Him where we think we should go around the detour.

Let’s come out of hiding, friend. We are safe here with Him.

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting. (Psalm 139:23-24).

Lessons from a Broken Dishwasher

.Reading time 2 minutes.

Monday night, we finally admitted that the dishwasher is broken. Over the last several months, we’d been noticing our bowls weren’t *quite* clean when the kids went to unload them. We made adjustments in our loading and rinsing, but there was no corresponding positive adjustment in the cleanliness of our dishes.

I — in typical pragmatic laziness — decided that although there were teeny flecks of food on the bowls after washing, the heat cycle of the dishwasher surely sanitized everything adequately. So, we persisted in use. Over the weeks, the bowls became flecked with larger food particles. The garbage disposal quit working. We could stand it no longer.

We pulled up a YouTube video and began poking around the disposal. And then the dishwasher. We came to realize that we needed a professional. I called the professional, and they will arrive to *hopefully* repair the dishwasher on Tuesday. So we have been washing all our plates, bowls, cups and utensils by hand since Monday.

It’s not life-changing. It’s a first-world problem. It’s annoying and frustrating all the same. And, it’s been a good reminder. For some reason, in the age of technology, we think that we can find the answers ourselves. No need for experts. No need for professionals. At times, we believe that we are omniscient. If we are savvy enough with our internet research, we can know all things.

We also seem to think that we are omnipotent. Since we can know all things, we should have the power to fix all things. Our marriages. Our kids. Our parents.

Except, my broken dishwasher. And my broken disposal.

Part of faith, I’m learning, is admitting that, although I could probably know more, I am not held to the omnipotent standard. Part of faith, too, is trusting that I can’t do it all. Although the information is out there and we could probably fix this or that, God does not expect us to be omniscient or omnipotent. He’ll do that part, and take all the broken things and make them beautiful in His time.

Go ahead, call the Professional. Wait for Him to arrive, and trust His expertise.

5 Things I Learned Spring of 2019

.Reading time 4 minutes.

I follow several lovely ladies on social media and one of them, Emily P Freeman, invites people to join along in chronicling “what I learned this season.”  I love the idea of pausing four times a year to check in with my life.  I tried to start the habit of joining in sometime last year – but life got in the way of checking in with life and so the story goes.  Maybe this time it will stick.

What I learned this Spring:

1. I enjoy life when I have quality time with my friends much better than without.  This spring, work and kid activities took over my life and the thing that got cut out was my time with my friends.  I have plans this summer to be a little more consistent with some girlfriends this summer and I feel so much more settled knowing that I’m making an effort to clear a little pool of time in the schedule.

2. As much as I hate it, one of my very first reactions to unexpected and stressful life situations is anxiety.  We had some stressful, landscape-changing things happen on the work front this spring.  For a couple days I felt waves of useless adrenaline coursing through my body and my mind alternately felt frozen or went spinning out possible scenarios into a dystopian future.  Rather than pretend that’s not what I naturally do, I’m noticing it.  Which lead to:

3. I can control my responses to life situations –  I don’t have wallow in my natural reactions to them. My pastor is working his way through Matthew on Sundays and he said recently, “Jesus will tweak your expectations, the question is, what will you do with Jesus when He does?”  Over and over the Bible tells us there will be trials.  What matters most is not the situation itself, but our response to it.  Our response to the trials either brings us closer to Jesus or hardens our hearts and keeps Jesus from coming nearer to us.  Sanctification, I’m learning, is God’s process of tweaking our expectations and training us to respond through His Spirit.  Rather than despair and worry when circumstances unexpectedly skew, God is training me to look in faith to His character: goodness, love, and kindness.

4. I enjoy the Marvel movies.  I watched Thor: Ragnorok and Avengers: Infinity War and just thought they were fun.  Fantasy that doesn’t take itself too seriously is my jam.

5. My metabolism is slowing down, so I need to eat slower and listen to my body when it tells me I’m full.  It’s either that, or, the way things are going, I’ll need to purchase all new pants.

What about you?  What did you learn this spring?

Picture God

.Reading time 4 minutes.



God is light, in Him there is no darkness.  Perfect love drives out fear.

Someone said that there are 365 Bible verses that admonish, “do not fear” or “do not be afraid.”  Considering “fear” is my word of the year, I thought I’d look them all up, one for each day.  Maybe we could even look at them together all year…I began and found that:

1) I didn’t see 365 Bible verses saying “don’t fear” or some equivalent; and
2) even if I had tried hard to scout them all out, the verses I did find weren’t all that encouraging, so I just quit the project.

I’ve had people telling me all my life things ranging from, “don’t be afraid” to “that’s what you’re really thinking!?”  to “quit being ridiculous.” None of those statements has ever helped still my quaking innards or calm my chipmunk thoughts.

In fact, at this point, I’m pretty allergic to people telling me things like that.  There is, actually, A LOT to be afraid of!  A casual perusal of the newspaper will reveal this much.  Plus, when my quaking and chipmunking don’t dissipate with such pearls of wisdom, and since I’m too honest to assure such would-be helpers, “wow, I feel better after that pep-talk,” people tend to get impatient with me.  I wear people out, is what I’m saying.

Also, better, but unfortunately not particularly helpful is people quoting verses or simple Christian truths.  That, my friends, rings cliche.  For example:  “God is in control,” or “God works all things for the good,” or “I’ve read the end of the Bible, and the good guys win”… Yes, right.  And, my head knows these things, but my body and feelings just don’t respond to the fairy-tale ending approach.  My allergy makes my mind argue (usually,  inside my head).  My inner argument goes like this:  yes, those things are true, but not actually that easy because…well, for one thing, have you actually read the whole middle of the Bible?  The blood, sweat and tears God has shed and asks His children to shed…?

Turns out arguing with people in this situation wears people out, too.

So, am I doomed?  Are all the unfortunate souls out there like me doomed to a life of anti-anxiety medication and wearing friends out until the only person who will talk to us is our therapist and even she doesn’t look forward to that hour?

Of course not.  Something I’m finding that shifts my body’s apprehension is taking in God’s character.  As in, gazing at His character, thinking about it, and then trying to act as if His character is true.  (I’m pretty sure, in the olden days — or, older denominations today — this is called “meditating on God”).

Not that His character is not true, but that I do not always act as if it were true.

And, the most apparent facet of God’s character that scripture is steeped in and that melts my fear, is fixing my gaze on  His love. CS Lewis captured the sentiment perfectly:  God, it turns out, is much like Aslan.  Not a safe, tame lion.  But, an utterly good one.

Winter Stress

.Reading time 4 minutes.

Winter + Montana = pediatrician visits 3 weeks in a row.  Work deadlines + sick children = high stress.  And that, my friends, adds up to a coat most of us don’t wear real pretty.

Personally, I’ve caught myself having crazy arguments with the committee that sometimes camps out in my head – the one that points out every mistake I’ve ever made and is sure that whatever I put my hand to will fail.  This super helpful committee is sure to point out all the things that the future holds which terrify me.  This is the corner stress can back me into: the one where I’m wearing decades of crusty old guilt and carrying responsibility for a future that may never occur. 

Maybe your ugly stress coat finds you lashing out at people or fixating on having a spotless bathroom or seeking affection from some inaccessible hero.

I don’t know.  What I’m hearing from God recently, though, is that whichever particular unseemly corner we default to:  we don’t have to remain there.  Nor need we pack around that old heavy coat.  These out of control circumstances, these knee-jerk patterns, our weaknesses, what they reveal about us.  Let’s not remain hiding there, ok?  None of this is a surprise to the Creator of the universe.  God sees us there – saw us there long ago – and He did the heavy lifting.  Jesus came to live among us and humbled himself to the cross.  That power that raised Jesus from the dead?  It saves us.  It does more than that, the same power gives us everything we need for life.

Let’s preach the truth to ourselves and encourage one another.  When high stress threatens and we feel ourselves reverting back to patterns we would rather not: let’s remind each other that God’s grace and peace are ours in abundance through the heart-knowledge of God and Jesus. 

So, as this new week draws ever closer, let’s welcome all that it entails together with God’s grace and peace.  “Grace and peace be yours in abundance through the heart-knowledge of God and Jesus.  His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.  Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature,” Peter tells the Church in his second letter.

If you are dreading the week’s inception (even with this pep-talk and verses) may I encourage you to share your fears with someone?  If it’s easier, tells us about it by commenting below, but if you have a real-live-person you can reach out to and hear their voice or hold their hand, may I suggest using every bit of God’s power you need to reach out directly?

Grace and peace be yours in abundance this week, dear friends.

2019 Year of Fear

.Reading time 5 minutes.

Hi friends.  Let me introduce myself.

I’m Becky, and I’m an Enneagram 6, with a strong 5 wing. 

Mostly a phobic 6, even. For those of you who haven’t done much reading on the Enneagram, I’ll explain: this means I can be a total in-my-head, neurotic, worst-case scenario thinking, wet-blanket, basket-case.  To make matters even worse, this “typing” firmly places me in the same camp as what most “Enneagram teachers” say the vast majority of people living in the 1st-world West are.  (Meaning: I’m depressingly ordinary). 

To illustrate, let me tell you a story. 

When I was in kindergarten, the firemen put on an assembly.  In one skit, a woman dressed in a flowing, gauzy, black gown – the embodiment of smoke – touched and put to sleep all the other characters so they did not know their house was on fire and could not escape.  As the red and orange fabric “flames” approached the slumbering characters, I burst into loud, terrified tears.   At this point, the entire assembly came to a screeching halt, and the woman in the black gown took off her gauzy black hat, audibly and visibly trying reassure me that it was just all pretend. 

She got me to stop crying and coerced me in front of God and everybody there at the assembly to agree that “this” was all pretend.  And “everything” was going to be ok.  But, even at 5, I could see the very real and present possibility of a house fire.  For months, even years afterward, I periodically lay awake in the night, wondering if my parents had checked the smoke alarms, (they most certainly had not, as flippantly cavalier as they were about such things), fretting that my little sisters might be too small to reach the bedroom window if there were a fire.  Closing the bedroom door (it’s harder for smoke to invade a room).  Chanting the “sinner’s prayer” because preparations likely had not been adequately managed.

And, that’s what it was like growing up as a phobic 6.

Oddly enough, I’ve never had an anxiety attack (head scratcher, I know). 

I thought I’d put my nervous anxiety behind me around the time my third child was born.  I was in a new, less tightly-wound place and really enjoying it.  But the same sense of dread came back with a vengeance this fall.  Dread hanging over me like a thick, yellow smog. 

I pled with God to just fix me, already. 

I’m tired of this.  I’m getting rather old for this.  Blah, blah, blah.  Same sentiments, different decade.  But then, I sensed the Spirit saying, “what if this anxiety is a trial of the James 1:2 variety?”  Consider it, pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Perseverance must finish its work in you, that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

So, rather than be embarrassed, angry and ashamed of my nerves, I’m considering it joy.  Well, asking God to help me consider it joy, anyway. 

I came across these words in a book I’m reading by Jan Johnson recently that ring true:

If I don’t like what my actions tell me about what I want, what do I want to want? // If we want to want God, our next step is to come to terms with our underlying fears.  We start where we are.  We invite God to work with us on these fears so we can begin drinking God’s living water.  God’s own Spirit, as Dallas Willard explains, ‘will keep [us] from ever again being thirsty – being driven and ruled by unsatisfied desires…Indeed, it will even become ‘rivers of living water’ flowing from the center of the believer’s life to a thirsty world (Jn 7:38).”

Jan Johnson, Abundant Simplicity

God, help me.  Help us.  Amen.

Self-Control Day 5

.Reading time 1 minute.

You were taught … to be made new in the attitude of your minds and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. (Eph. 4:22, 23-24). Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about these things. (Phil. 4:8). … we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. (2 Cor. 10:5). But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, goodness, faithfulness and self control. Against such things, there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. (Gal. 5:22-26).

1. According to Ephesians 4:22-24,what were we created to be like? According to this verse, how are we to be made new?

2. Which of the things in the Phillipians passage is easiest for you to think on? Which is hardest?

3. What are we instructed to take captive in 2 Corinthians?

4. Which part of the fruit of the Spirit has God been leading you deeper in this summer?

5. Keep “practicing” your discipline for the next three days.

Self-Control Day 4

.Reading time 2 minutes.

Train yourself to be godly.  For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.  (1 Tim. 4:7-8).  For the word of God is living and active.  Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.  Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight.  Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give an account.  (Hebrews 4:12-13).  For these commands are a lamp, this teaching is a light, and the corrections of discipline are the way to life. (Prov. 6:23).  All scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.  (2 Timothy 3:16-17).  I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength.  (Phil. 4:12-13).

1. What are some characteristics of scripture, according to these verses?

2. How have you used the word of God as training in godliness?

3. Have you practiced your “spiritual discipline” today?  Is it becoming easier to practice this “discipline”?

Self-Control – Day 3

.Reading time 1 minute.

His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.  Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.  For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love.  For if you possess these qualities in ever increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.  (2 Peter 1:3-9).

 
1. What has God’s divine power given us?  How do we attain what God’s divine power has given us?

    

2. What may we participate in and escape through God’s activation of “great and precious promises”?

3. What keeps up from being ineffective and unproductive in our knowledge of Jesus?

4. Where have you experienced God’s divine power giving you what you need for your life?
          

5. Have you had the chance to practice your chosen “spiritual discipline” yet today?

Self-Control – Day 2

.Reading time 2 minutes.

[C]ontinue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling. (Phil 2:12). Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize?  Run in such a way as to get the prize.  Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training.  They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last.   Therefore, I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air.  No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.  (1 Cor. 9:24-27).  I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things.  I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him …Not that I have already attained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.  Brothers, I don’t consider myself yet to have taken hold of it.  But one things I do: straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.  (Phil. 3:7-14). 

1. How have you been running your earthy “race”?

2. In Phil. 3:7-14, what is the one thing that Paul says he does?

3. Throughout the day, are you more earthly minded or eternally minded?

4. Have you yet put into practice the one thing that you committed to the Lord to do on day one?